13. If you’re consistently five minutes late for everything, it’s not considered an eccentric sort of punctuality.
It’s recommended that you appear thoughtful and informed during a job interview by asking questions. But not these questions…
My first piece with Slacktory – hooray!
10. When you were a kid, they always asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up; you eagerly responded, “A doctor, just like my dad!” which really troubled everyone, since your father was an alcoholic wig salesman.
“There goes The Can Man,” they’ll say. “He used to have a future; he was gonna be somebody. Then he went on a job interview, and when they asked him where he saw himself in five years, he got nervous and whispered, ‘Inside of a cloud, wearing a jetpack.’”
If you work in a store that uses a playlist of fewer than 100 songs for in-store music, you will probably show up for work one day wearing a trench coat and wielding an axe while screaming the lyrics to a Michelle Branch or Maroon 5 song.