Have you thought about putting an ad for it on a milk carton? Like a “Have You Seen My Virginity?” thing? They have that amazing technology now where they can take the last remaining picture of someone and artificially age it to get an approximation of what the person would be expected to look like presently. Maybe they could do that with your virginity. Like, here’s what we think your virginity would look like if it still existed: Here’s what to look for.