Baseball nicknames in the 1800s were like moustaches at a craft beer festival – everybody had one and they were freaking amazing.
“Yeah!” we exclaimed, awkwardly attempting to high-five, stymied by the fact that we had a beer in each hand. Gazing emptily at one another, our faces brutal masks of a most thundering confusion, we paused to wipe the drool streaming from our mouths with our shirtsleeves.
Well-directed by a slumming John Schlesinger, who keeps the pace moving and employs a skilled visual touch, The Believers is to Rosemary’s Baby or The Omen what microwave pizza is to a fresh pie – clearly inferior, but still oddly satisfying. Worth it alone for a finale in which Sheen saves his thong-wearing son from tribal sacrifice.
The truth is, you can make any Halloween costume sexy with a few minor alterations. Show a little thigh and regular ol’ Harriet Tubman becomes Sexy Harriet Tubman.
I had no idea what the fuck was happening, but I laughed from start to finish and it left me wanting more.
Does the girl you want to date have a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband? If so, you must be realistic about your odds. Is he more successful than you? Is he more charming? Taller? Better looking? If you were her, would you rather have sex with him or you? If you were you, would you rather have sex with her or him? Are you gay? Maybe you’re gay.
4. Helen Keller, You Whore!
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10 Words or Fewer Summary: Superhero fights crime with his belt, speaks gibberish
Drink coffee until you find yourself striding purposefully through your workplace shouting things like, “HI BOB HOW’S IT GOING BOB NICE TIE BOB WANT TO GO PAINTBALLING AFTER WORK BOB?”